Wandering Still

I want to fall in love with you, but I am stopping me.

The Breeze Takes Me Back

I am happy. I really was. I have found love when you've shown me none. But you coming back, reminded me of how painful it had been; to have loved and lost. To have thought to have been loved and let go of.

I smiled the day you left, and now you know, it was a lie. I wasn't unscathed at all.

As Far As Revelation Goes

But I have two faces and both of them are true. More, if I need to choose. Unlike them, I do not hide behind masks.

One Last Look

I found that perhaps you cannot truly hate people you have truly loved. Perhaps it is only me. Or perhaps, I am proof. I am proof enough.

Acknowledgment

It wasn't I who wrote. It was the person I used to be when I had been with you.

The Drop Off Point

I am not fearless. I just know that there are some things more important than protecting myself from my fears.

As Existence Walks Out of the Door

Conversations on loop. No one understands anyone. No one believes anyone. Until no one wants to shout nor whisper anymore. Not even out of love. Not even out of hate. Not even out of regret. Not even out of friendship. Not even out of memory.

The Writer's Achilles' Heel

You took my words away with you the day you left.

You 101

You taught me how to draw the best worst-case scenarios.

As Her Wandering Ends

Yes, World. Him.

A Literary Exception

oo, taglish to. sinikap kong magsulat ng tagalog, ang galing lang kasi na sinasanay tayo ng mga propesor na magtagalog kung tagalog at ingles kung ingles. pero ito ang kinalabsan. oo, gumamit din ako ng translator isa, dalawa o medyo maraming beses kasi natatanga ako. okay, edi casual na akda kinalabsan. parang yung mga makabagong libro ng mga kilalang manunulat (sad to say, hindi ako isa sa mga yon, nangangarap pa lang) hindi naman ito requirement sa anumang Filipino Literary class eh. may karapatan ako.

hindi talaga ako naniniwala sa 11:11. bakit kasi may mga ganoong bagay na wala namang basehan para sa katotohanan, pero bumebenta dahil may mga taong madaling maniwala. pero minsan, desperate times call for desperate measures. parang naubos na lahat ng outlets ko para maayos ang isang bagay, na wala nakong pakialam kung ano man ang sunod na step, papatusin ang lahat if it means matutupad yung gusto ko. so nagwish ako kagabi. at wag ka, swerteng 11:10 yon nung nakita ko. di tulad ng dinami-daming pagkakataon na nalalampasan ako by the minute, or parang 11:11 na, tapos segundo nalang ang bibilangin, magbabago na ang oras sa relo. pagkakataon man o hindi... may nagparaya sa akin. nakuha ko yung gusto ko. for once, for once, natupad yung hiniling ko. hindi lahat, pero yung pinakakinakailangan ko sa mga panahong ganito.

siguro pagkatapos ng mga kaganapan kagabi, hindi na *muna* ako hihiling ng kahit ano (well, pwede nating bilangin ang oras o araw o buwan). the fact na natupad yung gusto ko was more than enough para makontento ako sa mga panahong ito. pwede ring intayin kung kelan ako ulit magiging desperado (pero wag naman sana). sa isang side, ganoon ako kadaling ma-please na tao. simpleng ice cream pag may dinaramdam. hug o usap, mga ganoong bagay na nakakagaan ng pakiramdam. masasabi kong mataas akong mangarap, pero meron ding mga bagay-bagay sa pang-araw-araw na buhay na nagsasabing payak rin akong mangarap. isa ito sa mga yon. simple, pero malaki ang epekto sa nakaramdam.

E di ayan. may isang taong hindi magdadrama ngayong gabi o bigla nalang maiiyak na parang siraulo.

The Choice

I am as afraid as you are. But if I don't take this chance, if I just choose to let it go easily, I might spend a part of my life wondering what could have been. I am yours to begin with, and I wish so much that you would go past everything you fear, everything we both fear, to take a chance on me, to take a chance with me, to take a chance on us.


I might prove your doubts wrong.

Silence Has A Voice

I live in constant fear knowing that one day, there might be a hole where you once stood.

Haphazard and Free

You can go hide in your closet, play with your toys and keep yourself from being bruised.

I'm going out, running with daggers and facing the world. Maybe one day, when I get back scarred and proud, you'll be wondering what my battle cry was.

The Broken Lighthouse

I stand in the doorway shooting light out in the darkness. This
window is stained with sorely missed colors. Up coffee-stained stairs
I trod to soft carpeted bedroom floors.


On pale flowered sheets seeped salt-tempered raindrops.

A Plea For Rain

I've utterly decided that this was supposed to be a literary blog, but I couldn't help screaming that


THIS INDIAN SUMMER IS KILLING ME!!!

Until These Words Take Us Away

I have come to believe that I didn't give myself a 30-day ultimatum just to challenge myself.
It was also a deadline to write everything and get over it.

The Sand Tells Our Tale

The reason why I love when you agree to take me to the ocean was that it was those rare moments when we could speak to each other like normal people. Like innocent children, unable to lie.


And when we leave, the waves take our echoes with it. Eating away all traces.

The Consequences of Being Different

I do not know what hurts more: I, wanting so much to be a part of your life, or you trying hard to hold back from me.

The Lack Of Colour

When he left, he took out the sun, the rainbow, and the stars.
After the rain, I decided, I will make my own.



And maybe leave it there for one person.

Flipped

Two of the most ironic things: I sleep with caffeine and get insomnia from milk.

Pandora's Second Coming

In my fantasy, my dreamiest vengeance would be to see you bleeding for me and screaming out you're sorry, you were wrong, you should have known better, and you want me back in your life. And I'll just smirk at you, look at you disgustedly and say, "That's your karma, you definitely deserve it." and walk away, smiling to myself, satisfied that I'm finally vindicated. I'd be insane to want a disgusting thing like you back.


-my deeper, darker self.

A Break From Monotony

I'm the kind of human you'd normally see stomping on roaches on the sidewalk, on a nighttime walk by the town, claiming "I friggin' freak at the sight of 'em, but that's one less cockroach in the woooorld!" with conviction.


The oddball you call your friend.

Words' Jagged Edges

That day, when I saw Elijah cry, I found out that short phrases could sometimes do a lot more damage than paragraphs.

The Varied Reasons Why People Believe

I have always missed the 11:11 time at night. I've seen 10:10, 12:34, 1:11, how cruel could life be? That's why I never waited for it in the first place. I've never believed in it anyway.


But I find myself wishing intently when the rare chance of noticing it was 11:11 comes.

The Fragile Human Repair Shop

I tried picking up the pieces scattered throughout the path.
Shards, broken in human cut-outs. Cut, I tried putting them
back together. Wondering, could you weave them back in place?

As The Eclipse Ends

But she was the moon. And he chose the sun.

The Reason We Speak Innuendos

The reason they say such vulgar things was not to be beeped on TV. Rather, to impose impact. Being rude was supposed to be different. Popular culture made sure we got confused these days.

The Sparkly Word Machine

You speak such lavish words that I do not know anymore what is beautiful to one's senses.

Memoirs the Wind Brings

The languid scent of jasmine loomed overhead. Starry skies. Warm summer winds. It spoke of home. Memories drenched in summer showers.

The Mask People Hide In

I could see the brighter side of life, that's why I don't seem like much of a worrier. I act all carefree, knowing you are watching. Trust me, I am concerned more than I show you, more than you could ever read me.


It was a facade I kept on when you're looking. I felt safe knowing I wasn't a dead giveaway. Knowing you couldn't see how afraid I was.

Stripped of the Shinies

There was something about the night-scape,lights,and the droplets of rain that was deeply alluring. It spoke of silence, beauty, and the silent sadness of the city dwellers.


There were lights. But they felt empty.

The Stars Draw Us Near

I've exhausted every means of wishing on stars. But when I see one twinkle or shoot across the sky... I could not help but close my eyes. And believe all over again.

The Sunset Speaks For Itself

She gave me two choices. To take or to leave the sun. It set ever so slowly beyond the horizon.

A melancholic sight.

The Unspoken Charade's End

All tremor vanished as words soft as rain whispered unto trepid people.
Four words in ten minutes, carefully selected, fearfully spoken.
Words burning deep unto one's soul. Etched unto every fiber of their being.


Words we cannot take back.

The Human Puzzle

I think you'll need a lot of patience to piece together the me's I and other people scattered.

Please don't give up.

Trust Fall Believer

I drifted behind, lost in thought. Drag me along, take me anywhere. I will follow you, unquestioningly, blindly, stupidly. Trust, I've abandoned all sanity.

Beyond Pretty Poetry

You've been so used to being left in the dust that you overlook the signs. Or the lack of it. To you, trust your heart a little more.

Even if every fiber of you screams "Forget it."

Scars and Barricades

I have built a pretty high and sturdy wall by now.
A false sense of safety.

Downtown Lavandière

I could sleep better hearing the patter of the rain.
Lullaby-like. Refreshing.
It washes the sadness and pain.

Snips from Disney's Bolt

That's what they do, okay? They act like they love you! They act like they'll be there forever! And then one day they pack up all their stuff and move away, and take their love with them and leave their declawed cat behind to fend for herself! They leave her... wondering... what she did wrong.

Halos and Wings Aren't Always Visible

Unknown people go about in our daily lives,
performing miracles, sharing smiles.
They hand out umbrellas on rainy days.



Angels with no names.

Memories in (S)crap

I looked questioningly into his eyes, the same ones that stared lovingly at me before. It was indifferent. It didn't want me. Those eyes continued to stare at me, boring unto my soul, still, lifeless as glass. Things had changed. He did. Did I, too? I tried to smile, to tell him it was okay, that I understood why we have become like that. All I could do was choke, as i tried to hold back my tears. His eyes were speaking goodbye. His silence was screaming. It was over. He was never coming back for me.



The same eyes that promised me forever.

Hearts and Apathies

I just wanted to pretend that I couldn't see or hear for a bit longer.

A Different Kind of Blindness

Look at me, please.
Just for this one moment, then tell me,
I can be all that you can see.

The Constant Companion

I stood there watching. It had always been fall.
But I still had the stars. I embraced melancholy.
I looked up at the sky and smiled.



Surprisingly, the smile, it reached my eyes.

The Skies Seem Distant

I would spend one night gazing at the stars with you.
Just that one night, and it could last it forever.

The Irony of Ends

I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.
He never came. Not as he used to.
Already, he has given me a thousand reasons to give up.
And yet when he comes, it was the only reason I am holding on.
But I don't see the point of waiting anymore.
And I've said that for the bajillionth time.

When He Speaks

And he looked at me with those kind eyes;
a kiss, a hug, an "Everything will be all right."

I know it won't be, at least not this soon.
But I trust him.



Could that be enough?

Hey There, Stranger

Trust me, I am not known to fix stuff.
Gadgets, I can tinker with, but relationships,
I am a "no" kind of man. One defective side and
I find that throwing it away is the easier repair.
For me at least.


But this was different.
She was fragile as she can be strong.
She was demanding yet giving. She was as gentle, yet wild, untamed.
I found someone who was as good as running away as I am.
She makes things complicated for the fool I was.
She was Irony in human form.



I want to do my best not to lose her.

When the Lights Go Off

I loved the city lights. The artificiality, more than the one the
sun could give. But nothing could beat the light show the night
sky provided. Though it spares me the stiff neck just to look
at the building lights from the 25th floor.



I could fall asleep gazing at the stars.

#111

Then it rained, and the people's faces were ashen.
We've waited so long for summer. I should have been as well,
all those days when I hated the wet season.


But I shrieked with glee, I threw my umbrella and danced
all over the puddles. That day, I thought differently.





I could love the rain after all.